THE CRITICAL EYE

I’m working on a update and revision of The Book Trailer Manual. One goal is to expand the section on how to write a book trailer script, including recommending some software and detailing the process more clearly. Another goal is to update the recommended software for actually producing the video, including adding about a dozen new, free resources. Finally, I”ll be looking at all the examples of trailers and updating the list of trailer to study.

Doing this revision all on-screen means I have to find new strategies for working.

• Search. The search function or search and replace lets me find repetitions or find pieces to see where they are fitting in. I love how it takes a tiny snippet and finds it for me.
• TOC. The Table of Contents allows me to check the structure of the piece, to see gaps and more easily find sections I need.
• Rereading everything. I also find myself re-reading the whole manuscript every day. Geez, I wonder, isn’t there a better way? Well, no, not this time, because I can’t hold the mss in my hand and flip around, I don’t know how else to get back into the flow. In some ways, this constant rereading is good, though, because I’m polishing things every time I do this.

What techniques or tips do you have about editing on-screen?

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Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

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When writing a novel, picture book or other story, there are sentence constructions you should avoid and revise out when you copyedit. Here’s my top 5 list of the Worst Sentence Constructions.

1. Would
   Example: We would take walks daily. We would start at our house and we would go toward the lake and then we would circle back around.
   Why it’s bad: This construction is past tense, but talks about something habitual. Rarely does this type of summary narrative work because it’s too general and has the annoying repetition of “would.” Instead, give the reader one succinct memory of a special day.
2. As
   Example: As the sun came up, she ate her toast and jelly.
   Why it’s bad:
   • “As” implies that two events happen simultaneously, and yes, sometimes they do. But the construction is often overused. Please make sure that the events are simultaneous and not sequential. Here, it would be better to rewrite it this way (which also includes more sensory details and better verbs):
     The sunrise spread a red stain over the sea. Maria crunched her dry toast and wished for jelly.
   • Or, “As” is used to summarize something that covers a long period of time, such as a sunrise.
   • Finally, writers who tend to use the “As” construction badly, use it frequently. It’s a tic that is annoying. I just read a paragraph from one writer and there are four “as” and two more “as if”. Too much!
3. To be verbs: is, are, has, had, am (and so on)
   Example: It was sad.
   Why it’s bad:
   To be verbs indicate a state of being; they do not indicate action. Great writing focuses on action, especially in picture books for kids. Instead replace To Be verbs with strong active verbs.

   Let’s rewrite and give the sentence both a strong subject and strong verb:
   Grandmother wiped tears from her wrinkled cheeks.

4. Speech tags other than “said”

   Example: “Look out,” she blurted.
   “Look out,” she moaned.
   “Look out,” she hiccuped.

   Why it’s bad: I know that students are often taught to replace “said” with other words, but it rarely works in professional writing. It’s a great exercise for a thesaurus, but not for great writing. For commercial fiction, using other speech tags draws attention to the tag, instead of the dialogue where you want the reader to pay attention. Only use alternates when it’s imperative to do so.

   Rewrites–you have a couple options here, each with a slightly different emphasis. An alternative may work–but be sure you need it :
   “Look out!”
   “Run!” she screamed.
   “Fool, look out,” she said.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

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Debut Novel: Spreadsheets Used for Plotting and Revising a Novel

Introduced first in 2007, debut children’s authors have formed a cooperative effort to market their books. I featured Revision Stories from the Classes of 2k8 and 2k9 and this feature returns this year with the Class of 2k11.

• Class of 2008
• Class of 2009
• MORE 2k11

Revision

Guest post by Kiki Hamilton

Revision is hard work. There’s no two ways about it. But it is necessary to improve the story – sometimes it’s the way the writer finds the real story. Though there can be times when it feels like the process of revision never ends – it doesn’t have to be overwhelming.

I like to think of it as making a cake. You have to work in layers.

The first layer is the plot structure. There are lots of different ways to draw out the plot or story arc of your novel. I use a color-coded Excel spreadsheet, others use sticky notes – either way is fine – as long as you have some way to see the overall scope of the story.

Divide your story into acts:
• Act 1 is the set-up: identify your characters and the conflict.
• Act 2 begins with a Turning Point which results in rising action.
• Act 3 the conflict increases until it reaches a Point of No Return. This is where we know what the character wants.
• Act 4 begins from the Point of No Return and we rise to the Crisis, which is where we learn what the character needs. From there we move to the Resolution and The End.

The second layer includes: characters, theme, emotions, plot. Once you’ve got your structure in place, take a look at the elements that create your story: Characters, Theme, Emotions, Plot.

Are your characters three dimensional? Is your protagonist well-developed? Do we care about them? Is there a theme present in the story? Here’s a big one for me – is the plot believable? Do the protagonist’s choices make sense?

The third layer contains the supporting elements. This is the time to look at side characters, dialogue, scene transitions, and pacing. Are the side characters necessary? Do they get enough time on stage? Do your characters speak in a believable way? Cliffhangers are great but make sure that when you move from one scene to the next, or one chapter ending to a new chapter, that you do it in a way that your reader can follow the timeline and sequence of events. Also, it’s hard to look at your own work objectively, but try to see where the pace of your story drags and where it might move too quickly.

The final layer is the details. This is my favorite part of the revision process. I like to think of it as putting on the beautiful sparkly frosting.

Make sure you’re showing and not telling. Show us what the main character is thinking and feeling through description and actions. Provide fresh, original details. Use vivid verbs and phrasing so that when the character’s heart races, ours does too. And finally, drop in those last little details that will set your work apart from others.

Revision is hard work but it is this part of crafting a story that will make the reader remember your characters long after they read ‘The End’.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Writing is rewriting

Guest post by Anastasia Suen

For years I have been saying that writing is rewriting, and now I have a book that shows it quite clearly, my new picture book, Road Work Ahead (Viking 2011).

This picture book is short, like most of my books. It’s only 120 words, but those words have been rewritten over and over again. Yes, this one has been a lo-o-o-ong time coming. I started this book when my son was 2…and now he’s 27!

Picture Book Inspiration

When my son was 2, he loved to look at all of the trucks and machines along the road, so I started snapping pictures for him. I made him a “look book” that later turned into a picture book. I loved the story in that book, so I sent it out to editors, but it kept coming back, over and over. Editors said they loved it, too, but it wasn’t quite ready. So I kept rewriting it and sending it out…and now 25 years later, it’s finally a book you can hold in your hand.

The 6 Ws of Story

So what made the difference? I used ALL of the 6 Ws this time. I made sure the story had who, what, when, where, why and how. Using all 6 Ws made it a story, not just a list of machines along the road. Stories sell, but lists…well, not so much.

New Beginning and Ending. After the story finally sold I thought it was ready to go, but my editor thought it needed something more. She asked me to write a new beginning and ending, so we knew why the little boy was on the road looking at all of the road work. That also added a who, by showing us the little boy before he got into the car.

So I added my mother and her famous homemade oatmeal cookies to the book. (We used to eat them right after they came out of the oven. Yum!) Driving to Grandma’s house for fresh, warm, homemade oatmeal cookies is definitely a reason to keep going despite all of the traffic delays due to the work along the road. And when you get to eat them at the end of the book, ah, sweet reward! Adding 2 short stanzas was all it took.

The change I made was used by the Publishers Weekly reviewer to describe the book.

“A batch of Grandma’s homemade oatmeal cookies beckons, but for this backseat narrator, the sights and sounds along the road to her house are equally compelling:
“Road work ahead./ Move over. Go slow./ Jackhammers crack./ Look at them go.’”

The text quoted in the review was the original beginning of the story. I had jumped too far into the action. What worked better was taking a few steps back and letting the reader know who the narrator was and why he was on the road in the first place.

Yes, writing is rewriting! (And a good editor makes ALL the difference. Thanks, Regina!)

For more on writing and revising picture books, see WriteaPictureBook.com

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Do things get worse in your story? Then you are using some sort of progression: good, worse, worst. That’s excellent, because you want the story characters to increasingly feel the conflict and tension of the story.

But are you using the BEST progression possible?

Close up of Street Vendor in Urumqi, China

• MC sees the same thing as other characters: this establishes the base line of experience and serves as the basis for comparison. We’ll know how bad the curse is by comparing what MC and other characters see.
• MC observes an object flipping back and forth from reality to a vision.
• MC sees the path she walks upon as jumpy, never quite sure where to put her foot next.
• MC sees her companion as a monster.
• MC sees a squirrel as a monster.
• MC sees a chasm, but doesn’t trust what she sees; it is indeed a chasm.
• MC sees worthless pebbles instead of jewels and then everything is totally reversed after a landslide.

CLOSER

• MC sees a squirrel as a monster. Seeing a squirrel as a monster should come before seeing her companion as a master. The character should retain his reality as long as possible. Swapped this with the next one.
• MC sees her companion as a monster.
• MC sees a chasm, but doesn’t trust what she sees; it is indeed a chasm.
  Hmmm. This one bothered me. We had a progression of worsening vision, inability to distinguish real from false. Yet here, MC suddenly sees things correctly–but just doesn’t trust her vision. Well, that does work, but it doesn’t make her VISION progressively worse. It switches the question to one of trust, a question that is certainly valid. But here, I want it to really focus on her deteriorating senses. So, I’ll probably change this to make her see things that aren’t there, a form of hallucination, which is definitely worse. Now, she sees a chasm, but also sees a bridge crossing that chasm–obvious to the reader is the fact that the bridge isn’t really there, it’s a hallucination.

CLOSEST

State what happened in this level. Next, I write a sentence about each level of the progression. Just a statement of what is happening.

Evaluate and correct the progression. Then, I evaluate the progression for places to tweak. Be sure to pay attention to the specific language you use. Look for places to use comparative and superlative forms to signal the progression. Watch out for inadvertent word choices that can mess up the progression. For example, this progression doesn’t work:

• The cave chamber was spacious
• The cave chamber was cramped
• The cave chamber was grand, with ceilings so high the light didn’t reach there.

Obviously, “cramped” doesn’t fit the progression of bigger and better underground chambers. I find that making a simple list makes me notice the particulars of the progressions–especially when they span multiple chapters–and make sure I nail it.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Using the 3-Act Structure: Adjusting Expectations

Most writers use a 3-act structure and for good reason. It works.

• Act 1:
  25% of the length, sets up the story conflict and ends when the main character (MC) commits to doing something about the conflict.
• Act 2:
  50% of the length, develops and deepens the conflict and ends when the main character begins to make a last, heroic effort to solve the problem.
• Act 3:
  25% of length, is the last attempt to solve the problem and eventually ends in either success or failure (tragedy).

Top-heavy manuscripts fall over!

Somehow, in all the revisions, the structure has become top-heavy. Skimming those chapters or laying them out in a shrunken manuscript revealed that several scenes repeated; there was escalation with each repetition, so it wasn’t all bad. Still, I wondered if I could cut a considerable chunk from the first section.

Today, I cut 2000 words! Hurrah!

But, with a sinking feeling, I realized that it is still top-heavy. Could I stand to cut another 8000 words? Probably not. That would gut too much of the emotion and story.

Restructure the 3 Acts

The only answer then, is that I must restructure the story, must think about it differently, set it up differently. Fortunately, there are 29 plot variations or plot templates and at least three types of character arcs. Will one of those work?

As is, it’s set up as a quest: now in a quest, there should be character growth and often what the character sets out to discover is not what they need, not what they find. But it’s that definitely stepping into a “new world” that is bothering me in this story. The new world can’t be the fantasy world they find in the story because that now comes at about halfway through the story.

IF I consider this a story about maturation, and not a quest, then the current structure is very close. At page 21, out of 80 (single spaced, small font—just the way I like to work; I will reformat before I send it out), there is a first step of defiance of Father, a step into the world of adulthood, if you will. That’s about the 25% point and works perfectly. Likewise, the rest of the plot points fall into line.

Making this type shift is subtle: it’s not about the plot or actions, per se. Instead, it’s about setting up expectations in a reader’s mind. They intuitively understand this deep structure of dividing a story into acts, and subconsciously expect it to happen. If I set up the story, with subtle word changes, as a story of maturation, I think it will work. That crucial transition from Act 1 to Act 2 will be the move into the world of adulthood, of being responsible for your own actions, of defying parents and doing what you think is best. Act 2 will be the various problems encountered when you attempt to do things on your own, and Act 3 is the result of those actions.

My next task is to comb through the first twenty pages or so and make sure this structure is set up.

P.S. I’m still glad I cut those 2000 words. They were dead wood anyway.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

OK, so I have this revision to do and one key element of it is to deepen characterization and relationships. Uh, oh. My weakness! How did the editor know that it was my weak area? Even after spending agonizing hours on characterization, I’m still not hitting the mark.

Which left me stumped on this revision. I’m not blocked. Just don’t know what to do next.

Here’s my analogy. In China, we passed by open doorways that led to teensy courtyards from which four houses (or more) might front onto. We could look through the doorways, but the glimpse was brief, you didn’t get much detail.

That’s how I tend to write characters, from the outside looking in. But this week, I’ve been rephrasing the question.
NOT: How can I deepen this character?
INSTEAD: What is the relationship in this scene? How do these characters affect each other? What is each character fighting for in this scene?

The answers can NOT change the plot, the actual actions of what is going on. I’m actually happy with the plot. Instead, I’m looking at the inner person, the relationship which is revealed by the plot events.

Asking about relationship seems easier to me than asking about how to characterize. It’s interactive, as one character does something, the other must respond. If I can find a central thing around which I can center conflict and reveal character with that, it will work.

In the current scene, the characters are discussing going somewhere and they both agree that they need to do that. Well, there is conflict in the plot, because it’s a daring thing they do. In the revision, though, I’m having Character A hesitate, wondering if she should consult her father or someone other adult before going. Meanwhile, Character B is impulsive and confident. “A” generally has a superior attitude to B, so she can’t let him get the upper hand by being so bold. And thus the relationship develops. Who will bluff the other into action? Who will compromise their ideals to prove to the other they are tough?

It’s like zooming into that Chinese courtyard to see the small details. Suddenly, the relationship has revealed details of the character and we see clearly.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

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Working on a novel revision, I realize that I need to refocus the relationship between two characters. The question is where to start.

Grand Entrance for Your Character

I once heard the late Sid Fleischman talk about the importance of giving a character a Grand Entrance. Think about a stage play, where a character sweeps onto stage commanding the attention of the audience. It’s a first look at the character and sets the tone for everything that follows.

Characters out of focus? Start revising with the Grand Entrance Scene.

Actions. First, I’ll look at the action verbs. A story is almost always contained in the verbs. Too many “to be” verbs (is, are, has, had, am, etc.) and the story is flat, uninteresting. Action verbs characterize and I want to sharpen the characterizations while setting up the relationship differently. It’s not that the ACTION — what the character DO — will change much. But the meaning of the actions will take on a different tone.

Sensory Details. Likewise, the choice of sensory details will be crucial: visual, auditory, tactile, gustatory (taste) and olfactory (smell). For example, if you want to talk about a romantic relationship, you might describe a guy with these details: musky smell, soft curly hair, rough baritone voice, brush of his lips and –well, let’s forget the taste one for now.

On the other hand, a more platonic relationship might be sweaty smell, greasy hair, clear voice, firm handshake and –well, taste just doesn’t work here, either.

I’ll be looking at the actual choice of words carefully. I don’t expect that the scene’s actions will change much, but the reader should get a very different feel for the character relationship.

Tone

Of course, all of this relates to a slightly different tone set up in the relationship. Tone is that underlying attitude that characters have toward something that comes out in the language choices of the writer. I don’t want romance here, but an honest, growing friendship. I’ll use action verbs and sensory details to change that tone in this scene of Grand Entrance. If I can nail it here, it should act as a touchstone as I revise the rest of the novel.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

So What? That’s the question you must get past in your fiction. Why should a reader care?

Keep Reader’s Interest: Make Everything Matter More

The best way to make a reader care about your story, your novel is to make things matter more, put more at risk, up the stakes.

Personal Stakes

This can be accomplished on multiple levels. The first is a personal level. We must care about your character for some reason. A typical kid in a typical school is boring. Why do we care about this character?

• Moral Character. Because they are honest or loyal, kind or brave, respectful or trustworthy, loved by one and all. Some character trait must endear them to us and that usually has to do with a high moral character, at least on some level. And of course, your story will challenge that moral fiber
• Someone Loves Them. It’s important that you Show-don’t-Tell that someone loves this character. We like likeable folks; especially if you have a rough character, someone must let the reader know that the character is still lovable. It might be just a dumb animal who loves and is faithful to Mr. Rough Mouth, but it must be something or someone.

Public Stakes

In the world of your story or novel, something must also be happening that has consequences. If A doesn’t figure things out, then X, Y and Z will happen and those things add up to one major catastrophe for the city or nation, the neighborhood or the ranch, the business or the spy endeavor.

• Stretch out the tent pegs. Give the story’s consequences a wider influence than you had originally planned. The events reach tentacles into the very fiber of society (on whatever level is appropriate).
• Price of Success. What’s the price your character must pay to succeed in their quest? How can you increase the price in terms of moral character or personal relationships? How can you make the character hurt more, while also taking the results to a wider field?
• Self Sacrifice. Funny–if a character volunteers to endure something, we admire him/her. If they are forced to do it, we sympathize, but we don’t admire them as much. A willingness to pay an unusually high price will raise the stakes.
• Extreme Effort. Here’s where a story can easily go wrong: you make the trials and ultimate resolution too easy. Instead, push your character to his or her physical limits, mental limits, emotional limits. You love this character that you created, yet you MUST tighten the screws in every way possible, make them suffer, force them to fight for every inch of success. Whatever trials and conflicts you’ve thrown at them, intensify it. Think about extreme sports: the triathon combines on three hard races for a grueling competition. And yes, it’s no accident that upping the public stakes can hardly be separated from its impact on your character.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

My Novel Revision Retreats rely heavily upon the Shrunken Manuscript technique. Basically, you use the magic of word processors to shrink the font of the mss until you can see the big picture of the story.

Uma Krishnaswami used a variation of the technique in revising her new novel. Here’s a look at Uma’s writing process for The Grand Plan to Fix Everything (Atheneum).

Uma Krishnaswami’s Shrunken Manuscript

The Grand Plan Book Trailer

Uma Talks about The Grand Plan Book

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win