THE CRITICAL EYE

I’m working on a update and revision of The Book Trailer Manual. One goal is to expand the section on how to write a book trailer script, including recommending some software and detailing the process more clearly. Another goal is to update the recommended software for actually producing the video, including adding about a dozen new, free resources. Finally, I”ll be looking at all the examples of trailers and updating the list of trailer to study.

Doing this revision all on-screen means I have to find new strategies for working.

• Search. The search function or search and replace lets me find repetitions or find pieces to see where they are fitting in. I love how it takes a tiny snippet and finds it for me.
• TOC. The Table of Contents allows me to check the structure of the piece, to see gaps and more easily find sections I need.
• Rereading everything. I also find myself re-reading the whole manuscript every day. Geez, I wonder, isn’t there a better way? Well, no, not this time, because I can’t hold the mss in my hand and flip around, I don’t know how else to get back into the flow. In some ways, this constant rereading is good, though, because I’m polishing things every time I do this.

What techniques or tips do you have about editing on-screen?

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Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

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I am working on a novel revision for an editor and I expect to turn it in by Monday. But today, as I was reading through one last time to polish everything up–oh, my gosh!–there’s still so much work to do.

Last Minute Revisions

At this point, it’s not major structural changes or big plot changes. Instead, I am looking to tighten every scene and make as many connections as possible. And I am polishing language and voice.

Here are some thing that I’m working on:

Connections. I noticed that K gave A something. Now, K is a minor character, and while I like K, the connection here was weak. Instead, I wondered how the story would work if C gave A that same thing. Much nicer! It brought back in a sub-plot/theme with C that I thought would never work into this part of the story.

Conflict and Tension. Yes, the mainstay of fiction is conflict and tension and you’d think I would have that right by now. Instead, I realized that I was relying on the external conflict and ignoring the internal conflict. What I needed was conflict to be within my main character, while at the same time, she is facing external problems. I had to go back paragraph by paragraph and make sure that the internal conflict was present, was related to the external problem and that it grew over the course of the story.

Pacing. I separated one long chapter into two chapters, making sure the ending of the first chapter was a cliff-hanger and the beginning of the next chapter had a good hook.

Verbs. Yes, verbs. As we all know by now, strong verbs make for good story language and a strong voice. And I was doing pretty well. But I noticed in this chapter that I was slacking off some. For example, I replaced “They stared” with “They gaped”, and later with “They gawked.” Subtle differences, yes, but important.

Characterization. I am confident that A is a strong character. But what about B, C, D, E, F, G? As I read through, I am looking for places to characterize them better.

When is a Novel Revision Finished?

Um, never. I think I could endlessly revise a novel and my friends will attest to that. But at some point, I’ve done all I can do without more feedback. With this final pass through, I’ll be at that point. It will be time to send the novel out into the world for someone to read and evaluate. Does that mean I am finished with revisions on this particular novel? Doubtful. Bu until some fresh eyes catch weak areas, I can’t see anything else to do. Soon, very soon, it will be on its way.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

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Do things get worse in your story? Then you are using some sort of progression: good, worse, worst. That’s excellent, because you want the story characters to increasingly feel the conflict and tension of the story.

But are you using the BEST progression possible?

Close up of Street Vendor in Urumqi, China

• MC sees the same thing as other characters: this establishes the base line of experience and serves as the basis for comparison. We’ll know how bad the curse is by comparing what MC and other characters see.
• MC observes an object flipping back and forth from reality to a vision.
• MC sees the path she walks upon as jumpy, never quite sure where to put her foot next.
• MC sees her companion as a monster.
• MC sees a squirrel as a monster.
• MC sees a chasm, but doesn’t trust what she sees; it is indeed a chasm.
• MC sees worthless pebbles instead of jewels and then everything is totally reversed after a landslide.

CLOSER

• MC sees a squirrel as a monster. Seeing a squirrel as a monster should come before seeing her companion as a master. The character should retain his reality as long as possible. Swapped this with the next one.
• MC sees her companion as a monster.
• MC sees a chasm, but doesn’t trust what she sees; it is indeed a chasm.
  Hmmm. This one bothered me. We had a progression of worsening vision, inability to distinguish real from false. Yet here, MC suddenly sees things correctly–but just doesn’t trust her vision. Well, that does work, but it doesn’t make her VISION progressively worse. It switches the question to one of trust, a question that is certainly valid. But here, I want it to really focus on her deteriorating senses. So, I’ll probably change this to make her see things that aren’t there, a form of hallucination, which is definitely worse. Now, she sees a chasm, but also sees a bridge crossing that chasm–obvious to the reader is the fact that the bridge isn’t really there, it’s a hallucination.

CLOSEST

State what happened in this level. Next, I write a sentence about each level of the progression. Just a statement of what is happening.

Evaluate and correct the progression. Then, I evaluate the progression for places to tweak. Be sure to pay attention to the specific language you use. Look for places to use comparative and superlative forms to signal the progression. Watch out for inadvertent word choices that can mess up the progression. For example, this progression doesn’t work:

• The cave chamber was spacious
• The cave chamber was cramped
• The cave chamber was grand, with ceilings so high the light didn’t reach there.

Obviously, “cramped” doesn’t fit the progression of bigger and better underground chambers. I find that making a simple list makes me notice the particulars of the progressions–especially when they span multiple chapters–and make sure I nail it.

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Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

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It seems like all I am doing is printing out my WIP right now. Of course. Revising a novel is always a circular process.

Get it Right the First Time

Some authors get it right the first time; others claim to get it right the first time. For experienced writers, who are used to editing, it may be possible for a first or an early draft to be near perfect. Lucky you!

Creep up on Right

I am fairly experienced at novel revision and editing a text. But editing my own work is a matter of circling back, round and round, in a seemingly endless circle. I make changes here or there, but it’s hard to keep track of the flow of the story. Do those changes really do what I hope they do? Have I gone too far or not far enough?

The only way to know is to read the story again from the beginning. Or later in the novel, I can pick a chapter to read from, but it needs to be 2-3 chapter ahead of what I just edited.

Consistency. I am looking for consistency in voice and tone, and those can only be assessed when you look at longer passages.

Holes. I am also looking for holes in the story. If I indicate in Chapter 8 that a beggar is one-legged, does he suddenly grow a leg in Chapter 12. Again, I need to look at longer passages for these types of details.

Tension. I am always checking to make sure the story’s tension is as high as possible. Maybe a stronger verb will evoke stronger emotion, or maybe slight rewording will help. I’m at a fairly late stage of revising (it’s gone through several major revisions already and I’m confident of the overall structure by now) so I doubt it will need major re-structuring. Instead, this is probably some early polishing.

Pacing. I am also monitoring myself: do I get bored at any point? Where did I stop paying attention to the words? If I bore myself, then I will bore the reader. Yes, I realize that part of the boredom is that I’ve read this novel upteen times. But there are parts that I happily read multiple times; and there are parts where I struggle to read it again. It’s those places that I evaluate for pacing issues: can I omit something to speed up the story? Can I reword it to speed it up?

These are not conscious, check-off-a-list things I do, just what I try to keep in mind as I endlessly print, read, edit, print, read, edit. . .

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

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Working on a novel revision, I realize that I need to refocus the relationship between two characters. The question is where to start.

Grand Entrance for Your Character

I once heard the late Sid Fleischman talk about the importance of giving a character a Grand Entrance. Think about a stage play, where a character sweeps onto stage commanding the attention of the audience. It’s a first look at the character and sets the tone for everything that follows.

Characters out of focus? Start revising with the Grand Entrance Scene.

Actions. First, I’ll look at the action verbs. A story is almost always contained in the verbs. Too many “to be” verbs (is, are, has, had, am, etc.) and the story is flat, uninteresting. Action verbs characterize and I want to sharpen the characterizations while setting up the relationship differently. It’s not that the ACTION — what the character DO — will change much. But the meaning of the actions will take on a different tone.

Sensory Details. Likewise, the choice of sensory details will be crucial: visual, auditory, tactile, gustatory (taste) and olfactory (smell). For example, if you want to talk about a romantic relationship, you might describe a guy with these details: musky smell, soft curly hair, rough baritone voice, brush of his lips and –well, let’s forget the taste one for now.

On the other hand, a more platonic relationship might be sweaty smell, greasy hair, clear voice, firm handshake and –well, taste just doesn’t work here, either.

I’ll be looking at the actual choice of words carefully. I don’t expect that the scene’s actions will change much, but the reader should get a very different feel for the character relationship.

Tone

Of course, all of this relates to a slightly different tone set up in the relationship. Tone is that underlying attitude that characters have toward something that comes out in the language choices of the writer. I don’t want romance here, but an honest, growing friendship. I’ll use action verbs and sensory details to change that tone in this scene of Grand Entrance. If I can nail it here, it should act as a touchstone as I revise the rest of the novel.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Introduced first in 2007, debut children’s authors have formed a cooperative effort to market their books. I featured Revision Stories from the Classes of 2k8 and 2k9 and this feature returns this year with the Class of 2k11.

• Class of 2008
• Class of 2009
• MORE 2k11

On Revisions and The Pull of Gravity

Guest post by Gae Polisner

I have revised The Pull of Gravity (Frances Foster Books/Farrar Straus Giroux, May 2011) at least four times, including two major overhauls and two significant clean-up revisions. As for the two major overhauls, during those, I rewrote, added, removed, and, um, then restored, scenes and changed the entire chronology (as further described below), and yet, ultimately, it remains the original book I shopped to my publisher on Day One. Only – I’m pretty sure – better.

Revision Struggle Invisible to Readers

I think maybe that is the key to revision – that the hours of sweaty frustration, doubt, exhausted temper tantrums and sometimes tears cannot be tangibly seen – or picked out – in the final version, only viscerally felt as you read a more cohesive, engaging story.
At any rate, here’s the shaggy-dog tale of revisions in my case.
Through serendipity, my editor (the eponymous Frances Foster) got her hands on a very early version of my manuscript (then called, Steinbeck, The Scoot, and the Pull of Gravity). She loved and adored it (while I’m sure feeling it needed some good hard work), and so passed it around “the house” in anticipation of resounding agreement. Which it did not get. Instead, one well-regarded editor in particular had some harsh criticism and strong reservations, and, as a result, my editor reluctantly passed on it.

Battered but not deterred, I set to work revising so we could send it out wide to other publishers, bearing in mind the harsh, yes, but at times insightful, criticism of the Editor-Who-Did-Not-Love. At that time, at my then-agent’s recommendation (and despite my own concerns), I also monkeyed with the chronology of the story.
As my agent and I were about to shop it wide, Frances came back asking if revisions had been made and if she might see it again. From there, it passed muster house-wide.

A book deal was made (hooray!) and then I sat down with Frances.
She loved some of the revisions that had been made, some fleshing out of the story, some fixes of you-know-who’s issues, BUT she missed the original chronology and wanted it restored. Easier said than done, to keep the new but restore the old and seamlessly weave it together.
I’m guessing that one revision back took a hundred hours. But without the full exercise, I wouldn’t have had some of the great new scenes and fleshing out, and, moreover, I wouldn’t have had a book deal.
The thing with revisions is you have to breathe, and you have to be patient and painstaking. And you have to be willing to put in the time. Because, for most of us, the first draft is just that: drafty. It’s the revisions that make the book.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Introduced first in 2007, debut children’s authors have formed a cooperative effort to market their books. I featured Revision Stories from the Classes of 2k8 and 2k9 and this feature returns this year with the Class of 2k11.

• Class of 2008
• Class of 2009
• MORE 2k11

Learning to Respect Revision

Guest post by Alissa Grosso

Revision is Not Fun

When I was in second grade I wrote and illustrated a story about the Easter Bunny for a school assignment. The story wasn’t very good, and for obvious reasons the illustrations could best be described as being childish. The handwriting wasn’t much better. I had to rewrite a final draft. I can actually recall having to ask my teacher what some of the letters I had written were supposed to be, and she rightly pointed out that she didn’t know since she hadn’t written them. All I was doing with that revision was neatening things up, the story was still a mess, but it taught me a valuable lesson. Revision is not fun.

Perhaps because of this early experience, I avoided revising anything. School assignments and the great literary works that I was sure I was creating saw only one draft. I wasn’t ignorant. I knew there was this thing called revision. I knew that the idea was to read back over what one had written and make it better. I decided that wasn’t something I needed to worry about. After all, I was a brilliant writer. Revision was for the less talented.

The problem was, I got away with this because I was a pretty good writer. So, those unrevised school papers I submitted usually earned me A’s. They weren’t perfect, far from it, but they were a lot better than what most of my classmates were submitting, so my teachers and professors looked past my papers’ flaws. When you’re a writer in a sea of non-writers, you can get away with not revising. The real world is not so forgiving.

In college, I completed a science fiction novel for my senior honors project. My novel had a beginning, a middle and an end, at that’s about where its similarity to a complete novel ended. My adviser was a published novelist, but he tended to write relationship fiction and I think he was so overwhelmed by a novel that featured all sorts of futuristic thingamabobs that he didn’t have a clue how to help me revise it. Instead he suggested I try to get it published. Thankfully, for my literary reputation, that never happened.

Practicing with Short Stories

Instead of turning to drugs or hard alcohol, I turned to short stories. When a bunch of my first draft stories were rejected, I stumbled upon an online writing workshop. Finally, at the ripe age of twenty-something, I came to the conclusion that revision, which was still as painful as it had been in second grade, might be necessary. With a lot of help from fellow workshop members, I began revising some of those first draft stories. A funny thing happened. By the third or fourth draft some of those stories were actually published.

Eventually I found my way back to novels. After much procrastinating, I actually finished a novel. No, that’s not entirely correct. I finished the first draft of a novel. As any writer knows, it’s a wonderful feeling to get to the end of a novel, to write the last word of the last chapter. There’s a brief period of time when we can bask in the glory of having completed our masterpiece. Then we must dive back in and turn that mess of a manuscript into something halfway decent. Thanks to my workshop experience, I already knew a thing or two about revising. It wasn’t fun, but I did what I could to make my novel into something that somebody besides me could actually make sense of, and maybe, possibly enjoy.

I submitted it to a publisher, and then I got the magical call. My editor was full of praise for my novel. It’s possible he was trying to soften the blow about what he thought about the end of my novel, specifically that it didn’t really have an ending. The good news was that I was going to be a published author, the bad news was that I would have to slog through some pretty major revisions to get there.

I would like to say that this whole revision business got easier the more I did it, but I’ve yet to find the joy in revision. That’s okay because I’m really digging this whole published author thing, and from what I can tell there’s no way to accomplish that without revision.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Christina Mandelski Debuts with THE SWEETEST THING

• Class of 2008
• Class of 2009
• MORE 2k11

Revision: A Survivor’s Checklist

Guest post by Christina Mandelski
I’ve had many writers profess to me their love of revision, claiming that they get some sort of weird thrill from the process.

I think they’re lying.

I’m not saying that there’s absolutely no joy in revision. In fact, I love revision – when it’s over. Mostly, though, I think revision is hard.

When I’m pounding out that first draft, I throw caution to the wind – my goal is to get the story out. I do love that part. But revision means I have to sit down, pay attention, focus and make it work. This scares me.

Still, no one can argue that revision isn’t necessary, it IS. And certainly, after all the time, effort and love you’ve put into your story, you owe it to yourself to hone it until it sings.

But where to begin? Over the years I have developed a list of three things that I need to ensure a successful revision. They are:

• A plan.
• Someone/thing to make me accountable.
• Good walking shoes.

#1: A plan of revision.

I can’t go into revision willy-nilly. I make a list of all thoughts, notes, suggestions from other readers. Even if an idea sounds ridiculous, I write it down, just in case. Then I sit down and begin to re-type the manuscript, keeping one eye on my to-do list.

#2: Accountability

This leads to #2. I need something to keep me on task, to keep my butt in the revision chair. For me, that’s usually my critique group, who expect to read work from me every other week. Deadlines also help: before we leave for vacation, in time to submit for a conference critique, before my agent gives birth. In other words, something to keep me opening the document every day.

#3: Walking On

And finally, #3. Whether working on your tenth book or preparing for your very first submission, you need to ask and answer certain difficult questions: “Why is the main character doing such-and-such? What is their motivation? Is this plot twist believable? If not, what can I do to make it believable?”

Answering these questions can feel overwhelming and even impossible, but this step is crucial to the success of your manuscript. This is also the point where you may want to throw your laptop across the room.

That’s when I go to get my walking shoes. Usually, in the course of a thirty minute walk, my mind is able to focus on the problem at hand, and inevitably I come up with a solution. Is it always the right solution? No, but it’s a start – it is forward momentum.

Keep moving forward, this is key. Ask and answer the tough questions, meet real or imaginary deadlines, stick to the plan, and one day, you’ll be on the last page of your manuscript with a stronger story than when you began. You’ll be the last one on the island. A true revision survivor.

What about you? What is on your revision survival checklist?

Note: Christina Mandelski is one of four 2011 debut novelist coming out of Darcy Pattison’s Novel Revision Retreat. Read what Christina says about the retreat.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Do you look at your old drafts?

Save!
Obsessively, I save old drafts. I number the versions of my manuscript, untill I finally decide to name it something different. I create folders for OldDrafts. But I rarely LOOK at these old drafts. Somehow, it doesn’t seem necessary.

Looking Back or Finding What Worked
This revision is difficult, though. I like this story very much, but it keeps just missing. You have stories like that, too? So, we circle back to it and think this time, I’ll do it right. Today, I’m looking back over my shoulder.

Old Drafts Yield Strengths and Options

Well, this time, I went looking at the old drafts and found some surprising things:
Placement of Backstory: I had some good options in where I put backstory. There is a legend that needs to be told at some point. I know there are tons of creative ways to do this: have someone sing a ballad, tell it to young kids, set it up as the prologue. Nothing seems to work well here. Yet, the reader needs the backstory, the ballad. It’s hard to give out dribbles because it’s a complete legend unto itself.

In one old draft, I told the story early to some youngsters. And–I like that. It worked. I’m going to try that again. But this time, I’ll rewrite the legend itself to make it a more exciting scene and not just a narrative that is told.

Playful Elements. I also used some playful elements in earlier drafts. Why did I give those up? Maybe, I wasn’t confident enough to be that playful, to trust that the reader would get it. But I like some of the play there and want to work some of it back in.

Mostly, looking at old drafts has given me some options and perhaps, unveiled some hidden strengths of my writing. If you haven’t done it lately, open up some of those old files and look for golden words!

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Sometimes when I read the opening of a manuscript, I’m totally confused.

Trying too hard to grab the reader. These openings start with something startling. OK. Nothing wrong with that, except that often the event comes from nowhere and goes nowhere. It’s only there for shock value and the reader is left wondering where we are and why we are there. And why s/he should care.

Not enough context Part of the problem is the reader isn’t oriented. Where are we? Think of time of day, time of year, geographic location, stage of a relationship.

Action/reaction sequence out of order. Finally,the events can be out of order. The normal sequence of events is action-thought/emotion-reaction. In an attempt to catch a reader’s attention, though, writers are tempted to give the reaction first.

Terry screamed.

The reader has no idea why someone screamed and in order to explain, you must backtrack. Not good.

Walking down the wooded path, Terry tripped. She screamed.

Now, the reader has the action-reaction in a clear sequence. Not confused and just as hooked. Notice that we also have a hint at setting.

If you want, you can add an emotion.

Walking down the wooded path, Terry tripped. Falling, she thought of her new ballet slippers waiting for tonight’s rehearsal. She screamed.

Now, events are in correct time sequence, we know where we are, and why we should care.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win