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	<title>Fiction Notes &#187; noah lukeman</title>
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		<title>Openings: 5 Ways they Go Wrong</title>
		<link>http://www.darcypattison.com/revision/openings-5-ways-they-go-wrong/</link>
		<comments>http://www.darcypattison.com/revision/openings-5-ways-they-go-wrong/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 30 May 2007 13:37:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Darcy Pattison</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[novel revision]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[first line]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[how to write]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[noah lukeman]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[novel]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[opening lines]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[revise]]></category>

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Openings are incredibly important. This was brought back to me recently as I was judging a contest. Those manuscripts that kept my interest for three pages were rare. Usually, they lost me by the middle of page two!
Am I harsh? I don&#8217;t think so.
Grab the Reader with Your Opening Lines
Noah Lukeman has it right in [...]<p><table height="75" border="1" align="center" bordercolor="#a11b1b"><tr><td border="0" bgcolor="#a11b1b"><a href="http://www.booktrailermanual.com"><img src="http://www.darcypattison.com/notes/wp-content/uploads//FNClickNow.png" height="72" width="163" border="0"></a><br /></td><td valign="top" width="150"><a href="http://www.booktrailermanual.com/"><img src="http://booktrailermanual.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/BTThumb.png"><br />It's Here.</a></td></tr></table></p>
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<p>Openings are incredibly important. This was brought back to me recently as I was judging a contest. Those manuscripts that kept my interest for three pages were rare. Usually, they lost me by the middle of page two!</p>
<p>Am I harsh? I don&#8217;t think so.</p>
<h2>Grab the Reader with Your Opening Lines</h2>
<p>Noah Lukeman has it right in his book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0743290933%3ftag=darpatsrevnot-20%26link_code=xm2%26camp=2025%26dev-t=D2WMCOIPS9D14E">The First Five Pages: A Writer&#8217;s Guide to Staying Out of the Rejection Pile</a>. This is a book I ask those attending my <a href="darcypattison.com/speaking/">Novel Revision retreats</a> to read before they attend. Lukeman&#8217;s premise is that an editor will decide if they want your book or not based on the first five pages of your manuscript. After judging this contest, I agree. Sometimes, you can even make a judgment based on the first paragraph.</p>
<p>That first paragraph? You want to grab the reader by the throat and never let go!</p>
<h4>Here are five things that made me stop reading</h4>
<p><img src="http://www.darcypattison.com/notes/wp-content/uploads//choke-200x300.jpg" alt="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pierrelaphoto/2397984885/" title="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pierrelaphoto/2397984885/" width="200" height="300" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-2783" />
<ul>
<li> Nothing happened. The whole first chapter could be cut, because no major action occurred. Ask yourself: what happened in this chapter? Is there any conflict here?</li>
<li>
The voice was flat. Monotone and uninteresting. Read it aloud: Does the text demand that you use an interesting variation of pitches, tones, stops, starts, etc?</li>
<li>Inconsistencies. If I found myself thinking, &#8220;No, that couldn&#8217;t happen. Not that way,&#8221; then the story was in trouble. Consider: does the story logic work?</li>
<li>Backstory. Please don&#8217;t put backstory in the first chapter. Give us an active scene with the character in motion and wanting something. It doesn&#8217;t have to be the major goal of the book, but the character needs to want something and it should be something that leads into the main conflict. Ask yourself: Do I really need to explain the backstory here, or can I wait until page 100? Yes! Page 100! Move that stuff out of the first act entirely!</li>
<li>The point-of-view jumps out at me. Too many of the mss had first-person point-of-views that just jumped out at me and made me cringe. In other words, the voice wasn&#8217;t distinctive enough for first person. This is a personal opinion&#8211;FWIW&#8211;but I think too many people are trying to write a first-person narrative. The default should be third-person unless there is a compelling reason for first. It&#8217;s not just a bias against first-person, but rather, that the story would be better served from third in many cases.
<p>There were some first-person stories where I didn&#8217;t even realize it because the story caught me. When it works, it work well. When it fails, the story might could be salvaged by a switch to third. Consider: Is there a compelling reason for the first-person point-of-view? Could this ONLY be told from first? Try&#8211;OK, just try&#8211;writing the first chapter from third and give it to an independent, unbiased reader (like you can find that!) and ask which version they like better (don&#8217;t tell them what the difference is). I bet that third will win in the majority of cases.</li>
</ul>
<p><table height="75" border="1" align="center" bordercolor="#a11b1b"><tr><td border="0" bgcolor="#a11b1b"><a href="http://www.booktrailermanual.com"><img src="http://www.darcypattison.com/notes/wp-content/uploads//FNClickNow.png" height="72" width="163" border="0"></a><br /></td><td valign="top" width="150"><a href="http://www.booktrailermanual.com/"><img src="http://booktrailermanual.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/BTThumb.png"><br />It's Here.</a></td></tr></table></p>
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