Do things get worse in your story? Then you are using some sort of progression: good, worse, worst. That’s excellent, because you want the story characters to increasingly feel the conflict and tension of the story.

But are you using the BEST progression possible?

Close up of Street Vendor in Urumqi, China

• MC sees the same thing as other characters: this establishes the base line of experience and serves as the basis for comparison. We’ll know how bad the curse is by comparing what MC and other characters see.
• MC observes an object flipping back and forth from reality to a vision.
• MC sees the path she walks upon as jumpy, never quite sure where to put her foot next.
• MC sees her companion as a monster.
• MC sees a squirrel as a monster.
• MC sees a chasm, but doesn’t trust what she sees; it is indeed a chasm.
• MC sees worthless pebbles instead of jewels and then everything is totally reversed after a landslide.

CLOSER

• MC sees a squirrel as a monster. Seeing a squirrel as a monster should come before seeing her companion as a master. The character should retain his reality as long as possible. Swapped this with the next one.
• MC sees her companion as a monster.
• MC sees a chasm, but doesn’t trust what she sees; it is indeed a chasm.
  Hmmm. This one bothered me. We had a progression of worsening vision, inability to distinguish real from false. Yet here, MC suddenly sees things correctly–but just doesn’t trust her vision. Well, that does work, but it doesn’t make her VISION progressively worse. It switches the question to one of trust, a question that is certainly valid. But here, I want it to really focus on her deteriorating senses. So, I’ll probably change this to make her see things that aren’t there, a form of hallucination, which is definitely worse. Now, she sees a chasm, but also sees a bridge crossing that chasm–obvious to the reader is the fact that the bridge isn’t really there, it’s a hallucination.

CLOSEST

State what happened in this level. Next, I write a sentence about each level of the progression. Just a statement of what is happening.

Evaluate and correct the progression. Then, I evaluate the progression for places to tweak. Be sure to pay attention to the specific language you use. Look for places to use comparative and superlative forms to signal the progression. Watch out for inadvertent word choices that can mess up the progression. For example, this progression doesn’t work:

• The cave chamber was spacious
• The cave chamber was cramped
• The cave chamber was grand, with ceilings so high the light didn’t reach there.

Obviously, “cramped” doesn’t fit the progression of bigger and better underground chambers. I find that making a simple list makes me notice the particulars of the progressions–especially when they span multiple chapters–and make sure I nail it.

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by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

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Random Prompts for Character Development

Last year, I bought Natalie Goldberg’s book, Old Friend from Far Away: The Practice of Writing Memoir. A friend saw Goldberg present at a bookstore about this book and was impressed, so I bit.

Now, I’m not much into writing a memoir. My life has been pretty average. But I’ve kept this book close for the last six weeks or so as I work through the revision on my novel-in-progress. Why? Because it centers on character description and a character’s inner life, and has tons of prompts.

Yesterday I reached a point where I knew that A was thinking about B and needed to decide to invite her over to visit. But how could A justify this, since they were so different?

Old Friend prompt: The Half-n-Half chapter (p. 199-200) reminded me to look around the setting. Goldberg says, “Public school had it all wrong with their topics: justice, morality, liberty, freedom, education.”

Instead, she suggests you look around your setting. Apparently, she was writing that chapter at a coffee shop, because here is part of her list: “half and half, sugar, cherry jelly, peppermint tea, Pepsi. . . .”

Oh, I remember now. Characters live in the particulars, the specifics of who they are, not in the generalities. When you describe your character and put him/her into action, the character description must include details. It took me only a few seconds of brainstorming to come up with band-aids. Yes, band-aids. A reflects on how B decided to get a plain skin-colored band-aids, not a neon color, or a Barbie or GI Joe one, or some other weird pattern, but just a plain one. That made B an okay person in A’s eyes. Short paragraph, in and out of A’s head in a blink.

That worked for me. Much better than the rambling thing I had tried before.

Old Friend has tons of short prompts, anything from one sentence prompt to a couple pages to explain something. It’s not that I couldn’t have come up with band-aids eventually; it’s just that these prompts, chosen randomly, seem to help me speed up the writing time, while deepening character.

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Sports books are action-oriented, fast-paced and full of memorable characters; but the core of a sports book–fiction or non-fiction–is people. Characters make sports interesting. Granted, these characters are constantly on the move and not inclined to deep musings about life. Yet, it is the character interacting with the unique aspects of a sports novel that keeps the reader interested.

Characters: Passion

When you think of sports characterization, think passion. Danny Walker is the basketball player in Mike Lupica’s 2004 title, Travel Team . During the whole first chapter, nine pages, Danny is busy with his evening ritual of practicing defense. He set up folding chairs and dribbles around them. He looks left, but passes the ball squarely to the seat of another folding chair. Lots of actions here, but the deep undercurrent of the chapter is disappointment. Danny didn’t make the “travel team,” and the reason given was, “You’re too small to play.”

The chapter is pure passion–emotion. Lupica never says that Danny was disappointed. But the actions, the ingrained habit of working at his sport, develop a depth of emotion that is rare in sports novels, really, in any book for boys.

It’s the first lesson of writing sports fiction or non-fiction : don’t be afraid of emotion. Lupica’s book hit the #1 spot on the New York Times Best Seller’s List, not because of reviews, but because of its popularity with kids. Lupica’s 2006 title, Heat , gives kids more dreams of glory, this time in baseball. In May, 2006 was at the #2 spot on the New York Times Best Seller’s List. Published by Philomel Books, Penguin Young Readers Group, these are middle grade literary fiction.

While Lupica begins with pure passion, the character arc, as played out on the field, is important. It’s a cliche that the underdog wins in the end, but writers can distinguish between success in sports and success in growing or maturing in some area. Act I sets up the unequal strengths or abilities of the protagonist and antagonist(s), and the antagonist has the upper hand. Act II has the protagonist learning the skills or character qualities needed to challenge the rival player or team. Act III delivers a final confrontation, and usually the protagonist and antagonist are more equally matched. The protagonist can win the sports rivalry, but that could be good or bad for their character-growth. Or, they can lose the sports rivalry, and that could be good or bad for their character-growth. That gives four options: Win Game/Lose Character, Win Game/Win Character, Lose Game/Lose Character, Lose Game/Win Character.

Even though it’s the most cliched option, Lupica delivers a Win Game/Win Character ending for Danny. It can be done, if the writing is strong enough to carry it. But don’t overlook the other options as a way to surprise your audience, yet still satisfy.

Characters: Action-Oriented

Defending Irene (Peachtree) by Kristin Wolden Nitz, is one of the lively new sports novels for girls. Nitz lived in Italy for three years and used that setting as a background to make her sports fiction stand out in the crowd. Irene was a good soccer player in the United States and when her family moved to Italy, she still expected to play. But in Italy, teams were for boys and she must earn her spot.

One problem common to sports novels is how to keep characterization strong, while dealing with action. Verbs are particularly important in action-oriented descriptions. It’s not enough to say, “I like the sound and feel of kicking a ball.” Nitz puts passion for a sport and action together as Irene thinks about soccer: “I love the sound and feel of the ball exploding off my foot.”

Avoid the “to be” verbs (is, are, has, had, was, am, etc.), in favor of more active verbs. Replace generic verbs with more specific ones. These sentences demonstrate the progression from general to specific action verbs:

The boy ran across the field.
The boy dashed across the field.

The second one gives the reader a more exact image of what is happening.

For the strongest communication, don’t add adverbs or other modifiers, until you have the most exact verb possibly.

Not: The boy ran quickly across the field.
But: The boy dashed wildly across the field.

Of course, sometimes “to be” verbs are exactly what you need. Use good judgment, but push active verbs whenever possible.

Character: Fast-Paced

Another special problem with sports writing is pacing. Obviously, you can’t give a play-by-play of an entire basketball game. Sometimes, you have to speed up time and summarize as Lupica does describing one game: “Matt picked up his fourth foul halfway through the third quarter. . .” (P. 221) That nicely takes care of half of the third quarter in only half a sentence. The key here is focus. The important thing was that Matt was in foul trouble and we didn’t need to know the rest of that quarter’s action.

On the other hand, at the big moment, you need to slow down action, expand and let it take up more space, so it feels big. Lupica slows down time for Danny: “He pushed off on his left leg, going up hard but laying the ball up there soft. He saw the ball hit the square as if there were a bull’s eye painted on it.” (P. 226) This extra detail lets the moment grow in the reader’s perception, creating ups and downs of reaction. At tension-filled moments, good pacing makes the reader wait to know the outcome.

Full of Characters: Teams and Crowds

Crowd scenes are one of the major problems with sports novels. Often, there’s a large audience and there’s an opposing team. Both need to be described in memorable, yet concise ways. Nitz says, “I always remember that there’s twenty-two people on a soccer field and many more on the sidelines. It’s so important to introduce each new character with a special, memorable scene that will cement that person’s role in the readers’ head.”

The scene usually anchored in the sport. Here’s how Nitz give Irene her first good look at her future antagonist:

A boy with curly black hair, surprisingly blue eyes, and a determined chin was dribbling at top speed. He dashed at players head-on and then cut left or right. I heard boys call out his name in protest: “Matteo!” He was as graceful and gorgeous as Bernini’s statue of David, but he could move like a racehorse.

In Defending Irene, Nitz names only one opposing player in the entire book, because he is the “dangerous player.” For less dangerous, but still important members of the opposition, Nitz often uses jersey numbers: Number 54 hit a three-pointer.

Using the jargon of a particular sport can also help distinguish and characterize characters. For example, you might call one soccer player, “the keeper,” because he’s the goalie. Use that characteristic and make the Keeper a bit of a pack-rat, too, who always has things in his pockets. It’s a small thing but helps the reader track the characters better.

Zooms, pans and scans can also help with crowd scenes. For a zoom, think of pulling in close on a player’s hands holding a basketball. The reader sees the splint around the jammed left pointer-finger, the hang nails, the carefully-printed kid’s name written on the ball in a statement of proud ownership. Zooms thrive on such carefully observed details.

For panoramas, or pans, on the other hand, think of sitting at the top of the bleachers and the football field is laid out in front of you. You get the wider view of the parking lot with the school buses parked in a row, the bright lights shining down on the stadium, the pageantry of colors as the cheerleaders and band welcome the football team onto the field, the swaths of color for each team. With the emphasis on Show-don’t-Tell, writers often rely too heavily on the zoom. The pan offers an alternative focal length with unique opportunities to pull back and set up the environment in which this character operates. What are the larger issues that affect the character? Where do you want your reader to focus their attention?

A final tool for crowd work is the scan. Crowd scenes often are generic: “The crowd was hungry for a score.” With a scan, the writer gives short, intensive zooms on a series of people. Zoom in rapid succession on the quarterback lunging forward to pass; his mother taping the pass play with a digital video camera she bought two hours earlier and maxed out her credit card to buy; the quarterback’s girlfriend–the head cheerleader–chewing on the fingernail of her little finger and not even noticing the taste of red fingernail polish; and the coach writing on his clipboard the quarterback’s name alternately with the second-string quarterback’s name, until the pass is overthrown and he circles one of the names. Suddenly, the crowd is more layered and undercurrents are exposed–all with a simple scan.

Characters: Non-fiction

Sports non-fiction includes how-to-play, trivia, statistics or sports history. There opportunities for writers here. For example, some of the non-fiction series for girls were published in the late 1990s, and could be due for updates. But by and large, sports non-fiction is dominated by characters, too, this time in the form of biographies.

For example, Matt Christopher adds to his Legends in Sports series from Little Brown with titles on Babe Ruth and Jackie Robinson. The Amazing Athletes series from Lerner adds 2006 titles on David Ortiz, Dale Earnhardt, Jr., Freddy Adu, LeBron James, Michael Vick, Sammy Sosa, and Travis Pestrama.

As with fiction, these people are interesting because of the obstacles they have overcome, the passion they display for the sport, and how the sport affected their lives. In short, characterization. It might take research and interviews, but the same qualities in sports fiction can be used in sports non-fiction. Look for places where you can demonstrate a person’s passion. Activate the prose with good verbs.

Unless you describe a particular game, pacing will be more in terms of the player’s career. When and why did they play well? Why did their game fall off for a while? Look for motivations as places to slow down the pacing and give a detailed account. Panoramas of a season can give the player’s success and defeats a context.

Zooms, pans and scans can also help you write about the people surrounding the player. Teammates and family members can be presented in a scan that helps focus on a point you are making.

Most of all, in sports fiction or non-fiction, find the passion. Here’s how Nitz has Irene explain her sport: “Dad had passed his passion for soccer along to me. I loved it!”

Read more 15 Days to a Stronger Character.

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Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

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When you write a novel, or revise a novel, the default point-of-view and the most common used is third person. (Though, first person point of view is giving it a run for its money these days. )

The Versatile Point of View

Think about point of view as a camera. In the 3rd person POV, the camera is above a person’s head and you see and hear and experience only what that character can see, hear, experience. That’s pretty easy. The tricky part is the emotional distance of the text. That is, are you so closely aligned with the character that you can say their thoughts and the reader understands that it is the character’s thoughts.

It’s like zooms and pans. With 3rd person, there are times when the POV backs up and gives an overview of the action, a panorama, and almost verges on crossing into an omniscient voice. At other times, the POV goes so tight and deep, a zoom, that you’re close to the 1st person POV.

Which is why I like 3rd person POV. It can very close to omniscient, yet, the next page, very close to 1st and still work. In fact, you can actually cross over into omniscient and it works smoothly and seamlessly. You can’t quite cross over into 1st, but you can create a close imitation. It’s the most versatile POV.

Read more of 15 Days to a Stronger Character.

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by Darcy Pattison

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Character’s strengths and weaknesses influence plot, character relationships and how well we like a character. Before you decide on these, think about how these characteristics will ripple through the story.

Character Strengths and Weaknesses

1. Inherited or Acquired?Are your character’s strengths and weaknesses inherited or acquired? If inherited, they may be accepted easily by the character, or may be sources of great aggravation: the Prince is often irritated to BE the Prince and wants to see what a normal life would be like.

   If acquired, strengths may come at great sacrifice and struggle. Weaknesses may result from great tragedies. Either way, understanding the source of the strength/weakness can help you motivate your character and put him/her into motion.

2. Distinguish from other characters
   This is one of the options for making your character memorable. Do you remember the brother in From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler? Jamie cheat at card games. That’s why I remember him.
3. Weakness–source of conflict, or way to solve conflict
   When you present your character with events that require him/her to do something at which s/he is weak, then it’s a source of conflict. On the contrary, weaknesses can sometimes be a way to solve conflict–at least temporarily. Many parents react to a child’s temper tantrum by giving in to the child’s demands. In the short run, the conflict is solved, even while it’s made worse in the long run.
4. Strength–relieves conflict, or way to solve conflict
   When you present your character with events that require him/her to do something at which s/he is strong, then–well, where’s the conflict? On the other hand, sometimes, an unexpected or previously untapped strength can arise to solve a conflict. Just be sure you’re set it up.
5. Use a weakness to solve the final plot problem
   Resolving conflict because you’re strong will evoke the weakest emotion. The strongest emotion is evoked when a character faces opposition and must rise above his/her weakness to do something anyway.

Think carefully about a character’s weaknesses and strengths, because it has great impact on plotting.

Read more of 15 Days to a Stronger Character.

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Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

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Before December 11, 2006, I wouldn’t have thought to describe a character’s voice. Then along came Vocal Impressions on National Public Radio. Wow! It’s evocative to describe a character’s voice, and if you use a metaphor that also evokes a character quality, you’re even farther along!

Raw Voice + Apt Metaphor = Characterization

From the 10th installment of Vocal Impressions come these characterizations:

• Ray Charles

  Listeners say the singer sounds like:

  • The voice of the maitre d’ who tells you to keep the $50 after putting you at the best table in the house — Brad Densmore
  • A ’64 Corvette tuned by an angel — Tim Hathaway
  • Honey on a bruise — Kristin Schade



• Lucille Ball
  Listeners say the comedienne sounds like:
  • The twinkle in a little girl’s eye when she finds her mother’s lipstick for the first time — Noelle Leiblic
  • A windup toy you just let loose — Laura Sysko
  • A velvet hammer soaked in henna rinse — Lynette Dupree
• Harvey Fierstein
  Listeners say the actor sounds like:
  • The fuzzy dice on my pink Cadillac — Tim Klavon
  • A lion with an elegant fashion sense — Tim Hathaway
  • The voice of the killer in the horror movie — Catherine Zaegel
• Cher

  Listeners say the singer sounds like:

  • A long, straight, vertical, blue, neon light — Martha Buyer
  • The entire cast of the Ice Capades winking at you — Jill Stearling
  • A really good sneeze — Leslie Abrahamson

Think about the differences in your character’s voices: the main characters, supporting characters, good characters v. bad characters, villains. Fictional characters will come alive as you start to “hear” them speaking.

Other Vocal Impressions on National Public Radio

Number Nine
Number Eight
Number Seven
Number Six
Number Five
Number Four
Number Three
Number Two
Number One

Read more in 15 Days to a Stronger Character

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Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

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Characters Who Move

According to Mehrabian, 55% of communication depends on body language, 38% on tone-of-voice, and 7% on the words used. That’s bad news for novelists because we don’t have direct access to the body language as we work with our fictional characters – they are just words on a page. Adding body language to a character description puts the character into action and enriches the overall profile.

When you write a novel, you can describe body language and with the right descriptions, the communication embedded is apparent and you don’t have to interpret it for the reader.

Examples:

• Fingertip kiss–praise
• Nose tap–keep it secret
• Head toss–negatives
• Chin Flick–disinterest
• Eyelid pull–I am alert

Think also about giving your character(s) their own typical body language to mean certain things. For example, a girlfirend holds up her hand palm out and makes a shoving motion toward her boyfriend in a gesture that means STOP.

The Definitive Book of Body Language is focused on business communication, but it has interesting information.

Beware of overusing common forms of body language. For example, “he turned” is often used when a character shifts focus from one thing to another. Look for other actions to fill in here by putting something in the character’s hands or using something from the setting.

Read more in 15 Days to a Stronger Character

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Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

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This is part of a series, 15 Days to a Stronger Character

Names and Nicknames: Echo Character Traits

Let’s start with the basics. What do you call this character? What difference does a name make to effective characterization?

I recently heard of an inner city family whose oldest child is named Chris and the second oldest is named Kilo. Think about what those names would mean to the kids. Would the second be more likely to turn to drugs? Would the first be more likely to escape the poverty he grew up in?

A rose by any other name–is it a rose or not?

What if you named a child Alexander, after Alexander the Great? What sort of expectations does this build for the child? If you adopt a Chinese daughter, do you give her an American name only; or, do you use her Chinese name as her middle name? What difference does it make?

Obviously, I think all of these things matter and matter a great deal. When I name a character, I take great care with the name, even looking up the name’s meaning in several books, websites, to find the variations that might exist.

Here are two online sources for names:
Baby Names World
Parenthood.com’s resource for name meanings

Nicknames

While names often say something about family expectations, nicknames reflect family or friends’ perception of a person. Someone nicknamed Snake would be very different from a person nicknamed, Grumpy.

Think about your character’s skills in personal relationships, physical characteristics, intelligence (or lack of intelligence), friends, skills or interests, etc. Give them a nickname that will reflect a contrasting characteristic and you’re on the way to an interesting character.

Examples of Nickname Strategies

• Old West: Abilene, Bronco, Lightfoot, Banjo
• Animal: Goose, Fang, Bulldog, Crow
• Automobile: Hot Rod, Honk, Lugnut, Mustang
• Aviation: Bomber, May Day, Rocket
• Cute: Snuffy, Sweet Pea, Wiggles
• Descriptive: Bones, Whiskey, Cap
• Famous Person: Shakespeare, Socrates, Michael Jordan
• Food: Burp, Cupcake, Soupy, T-Bone
• Games & Sports: Lefty, Blitz, Swish, Tenpin
• Geographic: Burma, Montana, Sahara, Frisco, ‘Bama, Broadway Joe
• Initials: ZZ, TJ, KK, PC, OJ
• Military: Sarge, Tank, Torpedo, Wharf
• Music: BeBop, Jazz, Yodel, Whistler
• Strange or Exotic: Abracadabra, Shadrack, Yo-Yo, Hoochee
• Villainous: Fist, Scar, Stabber, Wart, Weasel
• Weather: Cyclone, Sprinkle, Snowball

For more detailed lists of nicknames and many other characteristics, see Creating Characters: A Writer’s Reference to the Personality Traits That Bring Fictional People to Life by Howard Lauther.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Wisdom, the Midway Albatross

by Darcy Pattison

Giveaway ends March 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

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