Notes from the Field

If you’re revising a novel or picture book, one step is to look at the dialogue of your characters and sharpen it. Tom Chiarella, in his book,Writing Dialogue suggests recording dialogue — yes, you get to EavesDrop! — around you for a day. At least for a couple hours. If you only use full-sentence dialogue, it can be stilted, boring and can create awkward rhythms. We convey so much in just a few words and often mean several things at once with those few words. So, here are my notes from the field for a couple hours, recording exactly what I said. Notice how MUCH you can tell about the events and what others are saying just by the snippets of dialogue. (Names and phone numbers XXX-out to protect the innocent.)

Getting daughter out of bed

I don’t have time to be gentle.
That helps.
No, you can’t consistently count on it. It’s not your car.

Before and During Breakfast

He’s not up yet.

I’ve been in there once or twice.

I need to eat.
I’ve messed around too long.
Could you clean up the kitchen, do the things you haven/t done in two days.
Where? What?
It would be easier with a comb.
Too late now.
We gotta remember to take the trash out.
Nothing.
Oh, man!
Mine.
Both of you stop.
It’s not just her. It’s you, too.
Stop! XXX, don’t take that in your room, please!
Ok.
No. No. It’s a mess.
Whose spoon is this?
Just ’sec.
Tell MMM she has e-mail.
Five?
What is it, oh, a Pokemon?
ZZZ, work on that kitchen now.
It used to be a road.
What?
Wow. How much?
$15 isn?t bad at all. Who’s sponsoring it?
Cool. It’s not bad.
I’m gonna shower.
I’m gonna shower.
Fix–transmission?
Huh? I’m totally lost.
Oh, OK.
OH, well.
Gimme kiss.
Yes. To school?
No. Gimme kiss.
Lots more than that. I’ll be in the library today. At noon. XXX has to stay ?’til 4. So we?ll just stay.
You might as well read.
Good.
Yep.
Have a good day.

Taking truck to shop

Last night, we lost 3rd and 4th gears. You can put it in gear but you have to hold the stick. 1st, 2nd & 5th are OK.
OK.
Oh, and he said to change the oil and a nut on the valve cover is missing.
Pattison. I-s-o-n. Not e-r.
We also have a Sienna van so we should be in the computer.
Let me give you his number. XXX-XXXX.
OK.
A second number XXX-XXXX. But I’ll be gone a lot, so try him first.
And give us an estimate. Just give us an idea of how long would help.
He’s coming to get me, so I?ll just go in the waiting room.
Don’t change the oil first. Let us know how much on the transmission first.
Is that all you need?

Driving to work with DH

She said she’d call you with an estimate. It’ll probably take over night.
Where’s my glasses?
My headache is coming back.
No, on the other side.
Yep.
Yeah.
Uh huh.
Uh huh.
So, which do you like?
What is all that?
Huh?
Yep. That’s the one you said I could have? I could put it on my business cards?
That’s weird.
Strange. I gotta call XXXXXX. About YYY.
Where’s the check book? I need one for this doctor’s visit.
Bad time for a vacation with all the other guys messed up.
Wow. Must be nice.
Yeah. He’s the best marketer.
Which one?
That’s good.
By who?
I should be able to make it to the doctor by nine. I was hoping I could go be the house and eat, though. I need to go by and see XXX and then–I need to buy crickets. (Note: to feed the lizards.) And I?ll bring you the car just before 12.
Okay. I know.
Helicopter.
Where?
Yeah.
Kinda misty on the river today.

Yeah, I know.
It was weird yesterday.
Yeah. Like what?
I haven’t heard of him.
What are they building over there?
Boy, that looks terrible. It’s big. Well–it’s just big. Wow. That’s amazing.
I have my keys. I need a check.
Was it on the table?
That’s right. Love you.

Saying Hi to Neighbor

Good morning.
Pretty good.
Already in a rush.

COMING AUGUST 15:. The Book Trailer Manual. Click to read about it.

Ever wonder if you’re good at characterization in your novel or story? A good way to evaluate your skill in characterization is the Page 5 Test.

Page 5 Test: Are you Good at Characterization?

1. Read the first five pages of your manuscript.
2. Turn over page 5 and on the back, write everything you know about the main character from those first 5 pages.
3. Things to record: name, age, location, family role and family details, likes, dislikes, fears, passions, ways of speaking, verbal tics, physical characteristics and tics.
• No fair cheating and adding things that you KNOW about the character.
• No fair looking back; the characterization must be sharp enough that the character starts to come to life and your reader doesn’t have to look up details.

Stop! Go do the Page 5 Test on your WIP Right NOW. Then come back

Good characterization or Poor Characterization?

Now it’s time to evaluate how well you did. Here are some things the Page 5 Test might reveal.

1. Lack of information. Often basic information is missing in the first five pages. Often in 1st person novels, the character’s name isn’t given until way after page 5. I know I’m in this character’s head and I know there are stupid and cliched ways to work in a person’s name. But I want to know the character’s name, please. At least by the end of page 5.
2. Boring. The character’s voice, whether the story is 1st or 3rd, is cliched and boring. Well, it’s hard to be honest about this! If you can’t be, hand the story to a friend or colleague. Lie, and tell them that this is a manuscript you’re reading for a friend; or tell them it’s a manuscript by whatever famous author you’d like to emulate. Ask your reader: after page 5, would you keep reading? Why or why not?



3. Shallow. Often, we know the character’s name, maybe their age, one or two things about family, their physical appearance (often in great detail) and. . .well, not much more. The characterization is shallow. We get a cartoon character like Betty Boop. We don’t know or care about this character yet. That translates into a reader shutting the book and not reading further!

Celebrate the Good, Fix the Needy Characterization

Not to worry. We all know that first drafts (and sometimes even 8th drafts are just . . . unspeakably bad. But that’s what the next draft is for.

First, NOTICE WHAT YOU DID WELL! I put that in caps, because otherwise, you’ll be like me and skip the good part. You did something well. Notice this! Celebrate.

But, also realize you have room for improvement. In the next draft, maybe you need to work on:

• Voice. You may actually know this character inside and out, but just didn’t capture them on the page. In that case, you’ll need to experiment with voice for the character and narrative voice for your story.
• Plot. While you’re doing experimenting for voice, you may need to try three or four different opening scenes, until you find one that allows for a rich development of both plot and character. Remember, we don’t need to have all the backstory up front; we don’t need to have all the character questions answered. What we need is to be intrigued by this person and want to know more. That’s why we read on.

Most people read a novel or story to become acquainted with people. Grab them up front with a great character and you’ll keep the reader for the long haul.

COMING AUGUST 15:. The Book Trailer Manual. Click to read about it.

I’m currently revising a picture book and finding it to be a bit tricky because I created animal characters. Of course, in a fiction picture book, animal characters are often just stand-ins for kids.

Why Use an Animal Character in a Fictional Picture Book?

Get Rid of Adults. I wanted to have two characters playing on a beach. Uh-oh. That’s dangerous if it’s just two kids; without adults around, the story would never be accepted. But in this case, the adults/parents would just clog up the story. So, make them animal characters and the story works great. No one worries about a chicken or a dog or a sea gull or something similar running around on a beach.

Express Potentially Difficult Emotions. Books with kids who get mad or frustrated can be tricky. Will the audience still like these characters? Will adults want to read this book to kids? (For picture books, you must always remember the adult gatekeeper!) But write about a bear in the winter who is awakened from hibernation — grouchy is understandable. The trick, of course, is to find the right animal who can express the emotions you want.

Difficulties of Using an Animal Character in a Fictional Picture Book

You walk a fine line between kid and animal characteristics. When we read a book with an animal character, we understand that the animals are stand-ins for kids. Or do we? We still want the animal to act, well, true to its nature. Skunks stink; horses run fast; sharks bite.

In my case, someone called me on the activities the characters are doing and said it wasn’t true to the animal in question. Yes, I answered, but it’s just a stand in for a kid. Um, sorry. Choose a different animal or make the actions appropriate for this animal.

ARGH! The critiquer is right. (How dare they? Well, it’s been longer than my normal three days to pout, so I have to get busy and work on this.) I’ll be working on those revisions today and tomorrow.

COMING AUGUST 15:. The Book Trailer Manual. Click to read about it.

Doing the character checklist this week, I realized that I hadn’t written much about dialogue. Oh, I have a couple times.

Talking About Dialogue

Once, I recorded dialogue (shh! I eavesdropped!) for a morning and talked about what you can learn from doing this.

Or, I did a post on how to make sure each character has unique dialogue.

But I’ve not tackled dialogue in general.
What topics interest you about dialogue?

• Turning talking heads into great characters
• The difference in dialogue and real conversation
• Punctuating dialogue
• Using dialogue to inject conflict
• What else?

So, I’m open for comments, suggestions, input! Where do you go for help on dialogue? What books help you the most? Any posts that help? Sure, put a link to your site in the comments if you’ve done a helpful post on dialogue!

COMING AUGUST 15:. The Book Trailer Manual. Click to read about it.

I’m starting a series of posts about plot this week – as requested. Thanks for popping in or sending me emails with your preference!

Plot and Character are Intertwined

Before I start talking about plot, I have to say something about characters, the people who will be DOING and REACTING to the plot. Obviously, they are intertwined. We all know that. Without some external events, there’s just a character spouting off his/her philosophy of life. Without characters, there simply are no events and no story.

I also know that stories begin many places, but that two common places are with a plot idea or character idea. Yet, I’m easily intimidated by the Character Folks, who insist that good stories must, of course, begin with Character.

I understand exactly what you mean; we read because novels are the only art form which allows us inside a person’s head to experience events with them and to understand life from a different point-of-view. And, in fact, character books are more likely to be considered a “literary” work of art than, say for example, a comedy or an action-thriller.

Yet, your Characters are nothing without events that challenge their very core.

Still the Character-First-and-Foremost Folk intimidate me, probably because I have to work harder at characterization because I’m such a private person myself. When a character wants to give the readers a look at his/her emotions, thought processes (the very things that make novels so unique), my response is, “Wait up.” That means you’re exposing yourself, your privacy might be violated, are you sure you want the world to know all that? Or, it’s just none of the reader’s business, and s/he had better butt out of your life. I struggle to commit the character to paper.

So, here I am talking about Plot or the events of a story and I’m okay with that. But without characters, especially the character’s emotional reactions to the events, all the work on plot is wasted. You can artificially separate these story elements, yet this thing we call a novel is so rich precisely because of how these are woven together.

OK, Plot. I’ll begin tomorrow with a discussion of the three levels of plot: outline, scenes, pacing.

COMING AUGUST 15:. The Book Trailer Manual. Click to read about it.

I’ve taken a look at my statistics and here’s the top posts on Fiction Notes for 2009, in order of popularity. Five of these are the first page of a series of posts on a certain topic. The other five are individual posts.

1. Novel Writing. 30 Days to a Stronger Novel. 30 one-minute creative writing tips to improve your novel. After the First Draft is the Ebook version of this post. If you’ve just finished NaNoWriMo, this is for you!



2. Book Trailers. 43 Book Trailer Sites to Inspire, Instruct and Share. More information about book trailers for novels, for high school students, for kids and trailers in general than you really want to know.
3. Characterization. 15 Days to Stronger Characters Character description, character development, stronger characterization, names and more.
4. Revising a Novel. Novel Metamorphosis: Uncommon Ways to Revise This novel writing and revising workbook is based on my Novel Revision Retreats and includes many ways to rethink, rework and rewrite your novel.
5. Writing Picture Books. 30 Days to a Stronger Picture Book. Improve your children’s picture book in just 30 days. Creative writing tips, plot, characters, pacing and more. How to Write A Children’s Picture Book is the Ebook version of this series.
6. Characterization. Villains Don’t Always Wear Black. This 3-part series talks about characterization of villains: how to describe the characters, names, and more.
7. The Writing Life. One of the first posts I wrote on this blog continues to be popular: Hope Helps You Through The Writing Process. This five part series on the psychology of the creative writing process, especially revising, is one of my favorites I’ve written.
8. Creative Writing. 4 Times to Stop Revising. Do you do endless revisions on your novel or picture book? How do you know when you’re done?
9. Writing tips & techniques. Flashbacks Can Deepen Stories. This in-depth discussion of flashbacks discusses when, where and why to include a flashback.
10. Character Description. How to Create Whacky, Interesting, Character Descriptions that Stick With a Reader. Now this one was just plain fun.

COMING AUGUST 15:. The Book Trailer Manual. Click to read about it.

UnBlinded: Revising the Second Draft

419 Specific Comments

I’ve just gotten back two critiques on the second draft of my WIP novel. 419 specific comments. I’m excited.

• Larger concerns. Each critique was accompanied by a letter with larger concerns. Both are still concerned that the characterization needs work. One would like a stronger opening and one thinks a subplot is off-kilter. Those will get my attention first and foremost in this revision. But after two drafts, this third draft needs attention to the finer details.



• Specific comments. One critiquer was kind enough to say my sentences were beautifully written. But she still had hundreds of specific comments:
  • Characters weren’t believable in what they said or did.
  • Motivations were unclear.
  • Motivations were clear, but a bit more detail would help make it even clearer.
  • Awkward wording.
  • Actions needed clarification.
  • Continuity questions – if this happened on p. 12, then why this on p. 23?
  • Minor spelling and grammar typos (of course, not errors! Just typos!)
  • Suggested deletions.
  • Suggested rewordings.
  • Character questions to me, the author. Does this character really care about this?
  • Asking for more reaction from a character.
  • Needs better grounding in the scene – where are we? On foot? In a car?
  • Questions of logic.

Different from an Editor’s Revision Letter

One friend reminded me that this is SO different from an editor’s letter requesting revision.

• Argue. For one thing, I am free to argue with, question, or ignore the critique’s specific suggestions. She’s great at letting me argue, until she says something a different way and the light breaks through my thick skull. I know it’s common for critiques to be set up NOT to allow arguing, but I need it. Simply telling me what’s wrong doesn’t help; I need to understand WHY it’s wrong, weak, ineffective.
• Over the Hump. The second way it’s different is that this critique is designed to get me over the rejection-hump into editorial territory. An editor would reject the story if I sent in this second draft. I knew that, or I wouldn’t have sent it for a critique. Hopefully, this third draft will be a cleaner, sweeter, story, ready for an editor’s 419 specific comments!

COMING AUGUST 15:. The Book Trailer Manual. Click to read about it.

More Than One POV? Split to Revise

My current draft of my WIP novel has two point of view characters. I’ve just copied each POV into its own separate file to revise and edit.

• Voice. The main reason for this is to work on getting a consistent voice for each point of view. When they are intertwined, I’m afraid I’m getting them confused, it’s hard to hear each one. In the past, I’ve also done separate files for the dialogue or speech of different novel characters to make sure each sounds unique, yet consistent.



• Chronology. A second reason for new files is to keep the time line straight for each of the novel’s characters. The POV alternates throughout and while I’m reasonable sure that the time line works, this separation will allow me to make sure each character has a significant part in each section of story time.
• Contrast. Finally, I want to make sure there’s a good reason for this alternate POV in this novel. I’m looking for a contrast, or at least something going oblique to the first story line. When the characters throw each other into profile by their contrast, it will be even better.

COMING AUGUST 15:. The Book Trailer Manual. Click to read about it.

4 Stages of Character Development

When you write a first draft, there are really two novels at that point. There’s the one on the paper and there’s the one in your head and they are not the same.

I know this. But I’m experiencing it again as I’m working through this revision. In order to put on paper what is in my head, I’ve had to pay attention to feedback.

Blurry Characters
http://www.flickr.com/photos/hugovk/217155496/

Confusing Characters. The second round of feedback told me the same thing: my readers were confused. Here’s the problem: I thought that readers would understand relationships from implications in the text. But that was making them work too hard; they lost confidence in my storytelling. I realized that I had to lay it all out there, in other words, put it on the page.

Now, this does NOT mean that I put in the whole kitchen sink. No. I didn’t want to overwhelm readers with backstory. But naming a relationship was OK: “she’s my almost-adoptive-mother.” The reader still doesn’t know all of what that “almost” means but at least there’s now a frame of reference.

For the secondary character, I added a tiny bit of flashback, only 3-4 lines. It’s active, unusual, with good segues in and out of it. I almost want to take it out, because I don’t like backstory in the first chapter. But I think it’s crucial for the reader to understand the nature of what this character faces.

Deeper Characters. Finally, this third time around, my reader says my characters are deeper, motivations are clear and I’ve created great sympathy for the characters’ plight. Now, I’m just inconsistent.

Inconsistent Characters. My job on the next pass was to make sure the characters’ voices stayed consistent, the characters didn’t do or say anything that was out of character for their age or situation, and that the story itself remained consistent in tone and voice.

Exactly What I Envisioned. Well, almost, anyway. Nothing is set in stone yet, but I’m pretty pleased with how these characters are behaving right now. Pleased enough to move on and not bother my readers with this section again, but wait until there’s a whole revised novel to read.

Do your characters progress through similar stages? Blurry, confusing, deeper, inconsistent, exactly what I envisioned. Notice what was needed at each point: feedback. I only knew how well I was doing by checking in with a reader. Sometimes, especially in the early chapters, I need several rounds of feedback with my readers to make sure I’m making the needed changes. Now, with these chapters as my benchmark, I’m hoping to progress without so much feedback.

How would you describe your character’s progression through drafts? What feeds your revision cycle?

COMING AUGUST 15:. The Book Trailer Manual. Click to read about it.

Make supporting characters interesting

Wednesday, I went to north central Arkansas to teach a professional development class and on the way up, I listened to an audio version of T is for Trespass by Sue Grafton, the 20th Kinsey Millhone mystery.

At one point the detective calls a college to do a background check on a suspect. The supporting character here was the clerk at the college, and writing the scene was made more difficult because it was just a phone conversation. How do you characterize a minor supporting character when you only present them in one phone conversation?

Husky voice. Nasal voice. In short, the character’s voice. That’s about it, right?

Instead, Grafton gives the character a cold, and now, she is sneezing, blowing her nose, and she’s grumpy, all of which adds an extra layer of interest and conflict to an otherwise straightforward request for information.

The grouchy clerk tells Millhone it will take five business days to get the information, that is, five days after Millhone shows up with the signed employment application giving permission to release the information. Millhone is aggravated, but dutifully trots down to the college to show the application, only to find that clerk has gone home early because she felt so bad. Of course, that’s great for our heroine, because she innocently tells the new clerk that the information was supposed to be waiting for her. The new clerk retrieves the information in less than ten minutes.

The college clerk is a minor supporting character, but the quick characterization of a grumpy woman with a cold kept the story moving with a minor, but appropriate conflict that provided a nice plot twist when the information was retrieved fast, instead of slow.

Do you have minor characters who are cardboard cut-outs? Here are 4 quick ways to characterize better. For an extra challenge, while you’re sharpening your minor characters, look for a minor plot twist, too!

1. Ailments. Give them a cold. Or a broken arm. Or some other physical ailment that affects their speech, method of moving around, etc.
2. Role. Give the character an unusual family role, such as great uncle, the black sheep of the family, the third wife, or the last of fourteen children.
3. Job. Unusual jobs abound in the world: fireworks expert, laser welder, test kitchen for ways to cook rice, strawberry farmer, tarantula scientist, a person who cares for plants in skyscraper offices, or an Amish wife.
4. Facial features. The human eye can perceive slight differences in faces, so that each of the billions of people on earth looks unique. Work to find ways to describe faces in unique ways. Use metaphors, find the one details that stands out, or exaggerate a feature.

COMING AUGUST 15:. The Book Trailer Manual. Click to read about it.